Driving in big cities can grind you down. VNA/VNS Photo

AF Reeves - @afreeves23 

When I took on this column, I was given some sage advice by the editor who thought it wise to give me a shot at this in the first place: “Have fun with it; think outside the box. Otherwise you’ll be onto your third article about traffic by Christmas and you’ll want to jack it in.” Well, I took that advice, and maybe a little too literally, because I’ve made it an unspoken rule not to let my road rage contaminate the ink and run onto the page. It would be a cardinal sin for me to dedicate a piece purely to traffic. Boring, right? But enough is enough.

Go faster or get out of the way. We’re both adults here; neither of us wants to have an accident. So why are you chuntering along the road ahead of me, blocking my path as we get overtaken by cyclists? It’s embarrassing. Either move over and clear the way for those of us who understand speed limits, or put your foot down. While I admire your zen approach to commuting, some of us actually have places to be. Driving too fast is reckless; driving too slowly is ridiculous. Both are dangerous.

Yes, I know there are AI cameras on the traffic lights now. Yes, I know that the fines for motoring misdemeanours have increased considerably. I’ve actually come to quite enjoy the new eight-second countdown before the colours change, but it doesn’t mean that you have to slow down and stop as soon as the number appears. Why are you stopping? There are still eight whole seconds for you to continue your forward momentum and avoid taking two more minutes of my life that I will never get back. Believe in yourself; you can do it. Go through the light.

Now, this is not a hit piece on local drivers; ‘expats’ here, most of whom don’t have licences, are often the worst offenders. So I don’t want to read any comments telling me to go back to my own country or justify this as ‘Việt Nam’; it’s condescending to all parties. While I don’t know the Vietnamese term for indicator or ‘signal’, I reckon an observationist on the roads here would likely assume it translates to 'optional light' or perhaps 'press while turning'. The clue is in the name: this light is to indicate or signal that you are going to make a turn. It is not to signify that you are turning with immediacy. What is so difficult to understand about this?

Weaving. I enjoy a good weave; it’s fun and, in light traffic, a relatively safe and easy way to escape a cumbersome crowd, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to pop out from between two cars without warning. What are you doing? The same applies to people driving side by side having a little chat as they go. This is a road, not a café. If it’s so unbelievably important, pull over! Anyway, I could go on, but I do feel a little better now I’ve gotten that off my chest. Drive safe, all. VNS