By An Phương

In a world filled with timeless images of men on bended knee, presenting sparkling engagement rings to their surprised brides-to-be, the notion of women taking the lead in marriage proposals remains a rarity.

A quick Google search for 'marriage proposal' unveils a sea of nearly identical scenes, each conforming to the conventional script of male-initiated romance.

Although there may be some variations – a sunset or sunrise, a lake or mountains – most of these proposals adhere to the same standardised pattern.

When it comes to women taking the initiative to propose, it remains extremely uncommon. In fact, out of more than 30 women I have known and befriended throughout my entire life, only one proposal has come from a woman, to be precise.

During their anniversary trip, my 27-year-old friend, Thu Sang, shared with Việt Nam News that she was the one who proposed to her boyfriend at the time.

Illustration by Trịnh Lập

"My boyfriend was pleasantly surprised, and it was such a relief! I had always been taught that women should never take the first move. Instead, we are expected to wait and avoid trying to rush or 'trap' men," Sang said.

Having been in a relationship with her boyfriend for over four years, Sang anticipated that the day of the proposal would arrive.

"As the next year would be an ideal time for us to get married, he would have eventually proposed, but I believed it would be more memorable if I took the initiative. Fortunately, everything went smoothly, and we are happily making preparations for the big day. Our families are incredibly supportive," she added.

Freelance wedding planner Tuấn Ngọc, 28, said that proposals initiated by women like Sang are more embraced nowadays.

From the beginning of 2023 until now, Ngọc’s team has received service requests from hundreds of couples or lovers to organise weddings, proposals, anniversary celebrations, or simple dates.

“Women no longer wait around for someone else to make decisions for their life. Women’s attitudes are definitely changing and we are ready to provide quality services to ensure that their special day goes perfectly,” Ngọc said, adding that his customers are mainly from Generation Z willing to spend from tens of millions to hundreds of millions of đồng for an event.

“Most of them are heavy social media users, and their significant moments are often documented, garnering a substantial amount of engagement," he remarked.

Perhaps, the increased visibility of proposals where women take the initiative has motivated other women to venture beyond their usual comfort zones.

Óng Ánh, 28, who is planning to propose soon, shared that she was not overly concerned about societal perceptions regarding her, as a woman, taking the initiative in proposing.

"My main concerns were more logistical – Should I get down on one knee? Do I need a ring? What exactly do I say? Of course, I was also worried about the possibility of him saying 'no'...," she said.

In my perspective, women who proactively plan proposals often achieve success effortlessly, catching men off guard.

In certain situations, I have heard that men can be so surprised by the gesture that they find it challenging to respond due to the emotional impact.

According to psychologist Trần Hương Thảo, the increasing number of women actively proposing to their other half is a sign that gender equality in Việt Nam has significantly improved.

In fact, the society has reached a higher level of awareness about personal happiness and the right to protect one's personal happiness.

Not only are they confessing love and proposing, but women also dare to refuse, hold on, or end an unhappy relationship, with the ultimate goal of finding and preserving happiness for themselves.

However, it is noteworthy to delve into the concept of male ego, as some traditionally inclined men, accustomed to the dominant role, might feel like a proposal challenges their sense of masculinity.

"Before you proceed with your romantic proposal, ensure that your visions for marriage are in sync. It is important to confirm that your partner is comfortable enough not to feel threatened by the idea of you proposing. Taking the initiative should boost your self-esteem and enhance the relationship, fostering mutual closeness and security,” Ngọc said.

“I am so against male-oriented traditions. Why should the guy be the one to decide when it is the right time to get engaged?” Sang said, which I totally agree with.

A proposal revolves around the couple, emphasising authenticity, creativity, and a heartfelt display of love as the fundamental requirements. The subsequent direction is a matter of personal choice, regardless of gender.

All in all, one should never propose because of insecurity or fear of loss.

Getting married for the wrong reasons is just as bad as getting married to the wrong person. VNS