Monday, September 28 2020


Teed Off (Sep 20, 2015)

Update: September, 20/2015 - 00:14

with Robert Bicknell

Many of us were amused at the viral video of a Korean man attacking his AMG Mercedes Benz with a golf club earlier in the week, after he got fed up with the performance of the car - claiming it was repaired many times, yet never performed well. He also claimed Mercedes refused to give him an exchange or refund. The Korean government is investigating the claims, and to be fair, Mercedes Benz is also investigating and believe the problem might have been in the vehicle's "eco start-stop system".

First of all, the guy is an idiot. He used a mid-iron when a sand wedge would have done a much better job. Dumb amateur.

Secondly, John Cleese did it better in Fawlty Towers when he attacked his own car with a tree.

There are been many times in my life when I wanted to take a golf club to a vehicle, usually someone else's, but I always refrained. After all, why destroy a perfectly good golf club?

However, there have been times when the golf club itself was the object of my irritation and it was usually treated to a free aerial view of the golf course. Before you ask, yes, I picked it up myself. I never let a caddie pick up any club I toss. I did it. I'll pick it up.

If the club continues to irritate me, I'll let it sit in my closet for a few weeks to teach it a lesson. However, if it REALLY irritates me, I am happy to shove it into the local used club bin at the pro shop.

I have only broken a club on purpose once and, believe me, the dirty rotten traitorous rat deserved it. I only wish I had something truly terrible to inflict the most damage, but I had to settle for snapping it in half over my knee, before disposing of the evidence in the lake.

I felt no guilt.

People often think, mistakenly, that I get upset with caddies, or inanimate objects, but that's not really the case. I get upset with myself. When people hear me muttering out there, I am talking to, and about, myself.

Hold on a second, I don't like the way the toaster is looking at me. It needs a slap.

Now then, caddies simply offer advice, but it's up to the player to accept it or not. If a caddie tells you a putting line is "left outside" and you accept it but then miss the putt. It's not the caddie's fault, it's yours for accepting and acting on it. If the next few reads are incorrect, you know not to listen next time.

In reality, you should be reading it yourself anyway. If you cannot read your own greens, what will happen on days you play at a golf course which doesn't have caddies? Who you gonna blame then? Yeah, I know, the club management for not having caddies.

A little etiquette

Every player should know how to tell distance and how to read the greens. This is part of playing golf. The same goes for repairing divots, fixing ball marks and raking bunkers. Yes, we have caddies to do those tasks for us, but it is the player's responsibility to make sure the job get's done. If the caddie is too busy, then fix your own pitchmark on the green. Use a tee if you don't have a pitchmark tool (which every golfer should have anyway). It takes three seconds and keeps the course in good condition.

Same goes for raking a bunker. It won't kill you to demonstrate a little etiquette.

What I am wondering is if the guy who bashed his AMG Mercedes picked up his divots afterwards. Its one thing to bash the hell out of your own car, but leaving broken glass and metal shards lying around is simply poor etiquette. What would happen if some poor child cut their fingers on the broken tail light?

He can be excused for not fixing his divots, because it's obvious from the video that he didn't have a rubber mallet or a can of Bondo on hand. Poor planning.

Now, if you'll excuse me, the toaster is still looking at me and now the blender has joined in. They need to be taught a lesson and I live on the 24th floor… — VNS

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