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Women learn lessons in love at ‘XXX' class

Update: August, 02/2015 - 19:36

by Moc Mien

Mercury can reach 45 degree Celsius at noon during the hot summer days in Ha Noi, but that is not enough to keep a good number of women from leaving their offices to attend a special class? The "XXX" class.

"I guess the participants will be trained in some sex related skills," a man, who read about the class on the trainer's Facebook page, says. Misconceptions like these abound.

Phan Ý Y Ly, a contemporary theater artist and one who is the trainer for this class, says she anticipated such a response from many readers when she put up an introduction for the class.

"The very name, XXX, makes people think of sex and things sexual in nature, but they should know that my class is not just about sex."

To avoid unnecessary and often negative arguments on Facebook, Ly merely reveals the name of the class and suggests anyone curious to know more to send her a private message.

Pham Nhu Quynh is one of the first trainees to have attended the XXX class. She is already divorced and is now a single mom of a three-year-old boy.

"Ly is famous for being an open-minded woman who has a special love experience. She has had some fabulous and admirable relationships. I came here believing that Ly shall pass on some of her experiences that I could not possibly find anywhere else," Quynh says.

How the XXX class came to be is a rather peculiar tale. Ly has a lot of female friends, some of them teenagers, and others even middle-aged. Many of them know about Ly's joyful personal life and used to come to her for advice on how to deal with misunderstandings in relationships, emotional expression, and healing. It was one of her friends who recommended to Ly that she should run a class on pursuing sound relationships between both the sexes, based on her actual experiences.

In contrast to people's thinking, the first lesson that participants learn in the XXX class is about expressing oneself in deeper layers. The participants are guided and trained in expressing their thoughts, feelings and emotions verbally and non-verbally. It can be conducted through exercises on free movement and dancing, and private sharing.

"It seems easy. I used to think that I actually did all that but I found that I was doing it all wrong. Women often go beating around the bush rather than come straight to the point. So, it is easy for misunderstandings to happen between them and their male friends," Quynh says.

According to Ly, women in modern society are greatly influenced by ideas of women empowerment, something that has long been a popular social trend in the world. Ly does not agree with feminism when it comes to throwing up women leaders, fighting to earn money or being competitive with men.

"In my opinion, the first and foremost principle to build a sound relationship is that a woman should be relaxed and learn how to act as the yin element," Ly says.

"Many participants complain that their husbands and boyfriends are not manly, are lazy and unreliable, not mentioning that they do not respect or care for them. I try to give them a different viewpoint and approach, one of developing the yin element in them and encouraging the yang element in their partners. I find it more effective than judging, criticizing or directing men to meet women's needs."

In the XXX class, Ly saw many participants crying after realising that they had been so tense, un-feminist. They also feel so sorry for their male partners because ineffective communication separates men and women without them even knowing it.

"Men are simple and to the point. Women just need to be honest and faithful in communication," Ly says.

Sex and sex skills are not the central theme of the class; in fact, these do not even account for a large chunk of the class' time. Basically, sex becomes wonderful not just because of the sex skills that the two partners have, but because of the presence, the well-being and the spirit of the man and the woman.

"Sex skills come afterwards. If the woman accepts to be exposed to the man with full quality of the yin element, her presence, her well-being and her passion will be the driving force for wonderful love making," Ly says.

Nguyen Quynh P., a middle-aged participant, says: "My sex life with my husband has become much better after I changed my attitude. It is really amazing and worthwhile."

"I have been very passionately involved with community-based projects in applying arts to personal development. I had no idea that the XXX class isn't beyond that very spirit. Women need to learn how to be present now and here. A woman's yin quality is enough to make her happy, no matter what she wants," Ly says. — VNS

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