Tuesday, December 6 2016

VietNamNews

Trump and golf

Update: May, 08/2016 - 09:00
 
Viet Nam News

Teed Off

by Robert Bicknell

Just read that Adidas is trying to sell off their TaylorMade brand (among other assets). So the company who brought you a new driver every six to eight months is now getting ready to bring you a new owner.

The question is…who?

Donald Trump could buy it just for the fun of it. He’s a golf fanatic and would probably go into an orgasmatic fit knowing his name was on millions of golf sets and balls. He would just have to change the logo slightly from TaylorMade to TrumpMade. The TM stays the same. His marketing team would be in seventh heaven…

Announcing “Trump Balls – more powerful and, of course, non-conforming.”

How about a new “Trump Driver” which has a 50 per cent bigger head. Non-conforming as usual and you can only imagine what the head cover looks like.

Advertisements would tout the non-conforming aspects and include such lines as “The USGA are a bunch of losers. They shouldn’t limit performance. My stuff is great. I’ve got great stuff. Use TrumpMade equipment and balls at any of my clubs and get a free Trump Steak….”

Yes, there are a lot more I could go with this, but it’s a family newspaper. However, to be ethical, I must make a Clinton comment as to provide fair and equal coverage. So, how about…

“Hillary Handicap App for smart phones and smart golfers. Incriminating scores automatically get erased from the handicap servers…”

No, I won’t make a Sanders joke, because there is no joke there. He’d plow every course and turn them into free legal Medical Marijuana farms for the poor. Yes, I know a lot of you just thought that was a great idea. Forget it and eat another special brownie…

Why did the image of Caddieshak’s “Carl Spackler” just pop into my head…

“This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff. “

Ah, the joys of golf…

Rory McIlroy was recently quoted as saying he was afraid golf wouldn’t be in the Olympics after 2020. Aw...say it ain’t so. Sorry, but I’m one of those people who think Golf shouldn’t even be in the Olympics now – at least in its current formula.

This Olympics’ golf event is nothing more than a lame attempt to sell more tickets to people who want to see the best players in the world tee it up. As far as taking the event seriously, you know they’re paying it lip-service at best because there no payday for them. Oh sure, they get a little gold, silver or bronze medal if they are fortunate enough to win, but that’s about it.

Ah yes, they are playing for their country’s pride…gotcha.

Hmm, like in the Ryder Cup, President’s Cup or any other “cup” or team event manufactured to garner coverage? At least the Ryder and President’s Cup have a few rabid supporters to help drive the stories with their bad behaviour (Hi America), but the Olympics?

Nah…

The actual value of an Olympic Gold Medal is roughly US$548, providing it has the usual six grams of gold in it. The total weight is 531 grams. Big deal.

Yes, some countries do pay their athletes a “bonus” if they win a medal, but giving a Tour professional $18-24,000 for winning a gold medal wouldn’t even pay for their airfare and entourage. What, you think these guys are gonna fly halfway around the world in economy coach seats?Keep dreaming, ok, maybe the caddies…

The Olympic golf event is a farce and everyone knows it. The only way to save golf as an Olympic event would be for the players to be strictly amateurs. Allow the top amateur golfers in each country to play their way onto the team. The medal and experience would do them a lot more good than giving it to a Tour player who is probably listening to his agent and bookkeeper complain there is no payday involved.

In fact, they are losing money just by participating when they could be playing a high-paying event, or making a personal appearance or even giving a clinic.

OK, enough ranting about the inevitable… VNS

 

 

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